Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
