If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
