apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
