i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
