It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
