you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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