And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
