That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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