Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
