new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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