we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
