why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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