you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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