i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
