i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
