Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
