It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
