Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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