even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
