first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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