obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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