I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
