I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
