Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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