Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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