We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
