Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
