I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
