Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
