I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Four minutes until I can fart!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
