Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
