i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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