No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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