You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
