I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
