Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
