ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My ass is underappreciated
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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