He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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