This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
