were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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