BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
