I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
