Can Purell be used as lube?
the condom got lost in my hair
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
