i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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