So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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