id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
