MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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