I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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