Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
