I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
